Friday, August 31, 2012

Night of the Dribbler (1990)

Night of the Dribbler (1990) 
Director: Jack Bravman 
Stars: Fred Travalena, Gregory Calpakis, Flavia Carrozzi 

The Watergate Plumbers, a poorly-performing college basketball team, lose their best players one by one to death and dismemberment at the hands of a mysterious masked stalker. 

Six Things Learned from Night of the Dribbler 

1. Heads make for good basketball substitutes. 

2. Elvis impersonators moonlight as basketball players. 

3. Your coach is the next best thing to your father. 

4. Hypnosis can help you with your basketball skills. 

5. Basketballs can double as bombs. 

6. Science professors hate basketball.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Hot Dog: The Movie (1984)

Hot Dog: The Movie (1984)
Director: Peter Markle
Stars: David Naughton, Shannon Tweed, Tracy Smith

An Idaho ski wunderkind travels to a big time ski competition. He picks up an annoying hitchhiker along the way and the love/lust tension follows. He falls in with a rowdy group of skiers led by Mister Making It himself David Naughton and they take on the asshole Europeans. They even give the big downhill slope the name Chinese Downhil. Because it's slanted. Haw haw.

Six Things I've Learned From Hot Dog: The Movie

1. Always keep your eyes to the face when your hotel clerk walks in wearing just a smile. Manners!

2. Never take drugs and get trapped in a sauna with sleazy European people. I learned that the hard way. Couldn't sit down for a couple days and felt dirty.

3. In every ragtag group, there should always be an asian guy. And he only speaks english when he wants to know what the fuck is going on.

4. So even though the hitchhiker girlfrfriend gets mad at Idaho and leaves him, he doesn't seem the bit surprised that she pops back up like nothing happened when he clearly won the competition. She still slept with the sleazy European guy!

5. Why wasn't there a bigger deal made when Idaho clearly won the competition!? I'm sure there would have been a Sports Illustrated article about rigging skiing com...I couldn't finish that with a straight face.

6. I didn't see one damn hot dog in this film. Talk about false advertising!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Clown Murders VHS Cover

I started a joke...that started the whole clown murders. But I couldn't see, cause you  fucking stabbed me....whoooaahh...

Monday, August 27, 2012

Wide Weird World of Cult Radio Show #14!

Dan goes back down memory lane to share his thoughts on a couple of "scaaarrry" tv shows. He also decides to take some minor characters from cult movies and put them in their own films. I'd pay a good 2- 2.50 to watch em.

Listen Here!


Track Listing
Show Opening
Techno Torgo
Love Theme from Deadly Prey
Deep Red Rum ( Ad
Demons Theme - Claudio Simonetti
Love Theme from Hausu
Kadaicha Trailer
Minor Characters in Major Roles segment
We Fight for Love (Commando)- The Power Station
The Good The Bad and the Ugly - Encio Morricone
Cheech and Chong - Mexican Americans
Badasses Boobs and Bodycounts ( Ad
It's a Long Road (Rambo) - Dan Hill
The Annihilators Trailer
Mr. Night (Caddyshack) - Kenny Loggins
Scary Show Segment
Tales From the Darkside/ Monsters Theme
Cleanin Up the Town (Ghostbusters) - Bus Boys
Tai Seng Trailer
Show Closing
Rainbow Connection (Muppet Movie) - Kermit the Frog

Friday, August 24, 2012

Clerks (1994)

Clerks (1994)
Director: Kevin Smith
Stars: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Marilyn Ghigliotti, Jason Mewes

In this indie comedy that launched the career of director Kevin Smith (also made for around 37 grand), we peer into the not so average day of Dante Hicks and Randall Graves working at a convince store/video store. Returning exes, old men masturbating in the bathroom, the first appearance of Jay and Silent Bob, and gum in the locks. I wasn't even spose to be posting today!

Six Things I've Learned from Clerks

1. Your girlfriend can still be awesome even though she snowballed the brain dead guy.

2. Always bring more than one ball to your roof hockey games. Otherwise you'll have the cut the game short and go back to work.

3. Never let strange old men jerk off in your bathroom. They'll likely die and get raped...sometimes in that very order.

4. Don't trust a man who carries around used trach rings and pictures of gross lungs. They're either work for the chewing gum industry, or they want you to end up in a bathtub full of ice.

5. This movie showed me that women with penises was something people wanted to watch, instead of what happens at the end of every blind date I went on in the 90's.

6. As hard as I try, I still can't dance as well as Jay and Silent Bob. Bastards.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Great White (1981)

Great White (1981) 
Director: Enzo G. Castellari 
Stars: James Fransiscus, Vic Morrow, Micaela Pignatelli 

An enormous and angry 35 foot Great White Shark takes revenge on humans when they build a beach just for swimmers by a coastal town. After several shark attacks, and the Mayor does nothing to stop it, James Franisscus and Vic Morrow sail in pursuit to stop it. 

Six Things Learned from Great White 

1. Shark attacks are best accompanied with funky music. 

2. Shark attacks aren’t caused by flying chainsaws. 

3. Surfboards strongly resemble sharks. 

4. Sharks hate windsurfing! 

5. Sharks can take down helicopters. 

6. Sharks love to chow down on dummies.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Wide Weird World of Cult Radio Show #13!

We take another trip down memory lane as Dan plays some great music and trailers from the best (and worst) cult films of days gone by. Also, Dan tells his story of going to see Star Wars Episode 3! May the force be with us...please.

Listen Here!

Track Listing

Show Opening
Life is Looking Good (Bad News Bears in Breaking Training)
Hellraiser Theme
Crystal Ship (X-Files Fight the Future)- X
They Call Her One Eye Trailer
I'm Ready (Gremlins 2 The New Batch)- Fats Domino
Two Hearts on the Loose (Up the Creek)
Clerks Theme- Love Among Freaks
Dog Day Afternoon Trailer
Since You've Gone (Nashville)
 Star Trek Amok Time Fight Music (Surf Version)
Dan's Star Wars Story
Somebody's Watching Me- Rockwell (with Michael Jackson)
 Life on Mars (Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou)- Seu Jorge
Tokyo Gore Police Theme
Vampire Circus Trailer
Take Off (Strange Brew)- Bob and Doug Mckenzie (featuring Geddy Lee)
Believe It or Not (Greatest American Hero)- Joey Scarbury
I've Got a Feeling (Aaron Loves Angela)- Jose Feliciano
 Show Closing
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Life of Brian)- Monty Python

Friday, August 17, 2012

Devil's Nightmare VHS Artwork

How did this movie know that I had nightmares about a skull with one arm holding a small sword while a candle on his head lights the way!? It's like they are reading my mind!

Manos The Hand of Fate (1966)

Manos The Hands of Fate (1966)
Director: Harold P. Warren
Stars: Harold P. Warren, John Reynolds, Tom Neyman

In this cult classic made by a fertilizer salesman, a family get lost and land at the home of The Master. They are greeted by The Master's henchman Torgo, who is suppose to be a centaur but looks more like a giant legged weeble wobble. The Master doesn't approve of this, and with the help of his six wives, tries to get rid of the family. Torgo is the true hero of this story in my opinion.

Six Things I've Learned from Manos The Hands of Fate

1.  If you make out in a car for over twenty four hours straight, you're going to have blue balls the size of a cadillac. And chapped lips.

2. I wonder who does The Master's outfit because it is FABULOUS!

3.  Why did The Master have six wives!? If he wanted a lot of women he should have done what the mafia does and have one wife and a buncha goomahs.He had six of them so he could take each one of them out one day a week and not get so bored with them. Plan ahead man! 

4. Women rasslin around for 10 minutes for no real reason = Hal Warren's "special time".

5. If Torgo took care of the place while The Master is away (which means he's camping outside 30 feet away), why does it look like such a dump? No wonder The Master doesn't stay there. Use a vacuum for Manos' sake! 

6. My wife brought this up, and it's a good point. There is no Valley Lodge. So who is sending people to this place? Well the women at the end says it's an agent. So Manos has his own travel agent that sends him wives. That's an agent that takes care of you.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Wide Weird World of Cult Radio Show #12

Feeling a bit under the weather, Dan sends the gang home and does the show solo. Although he's not feeling well, and he's hitting puberty, Dan still delivers the goods when it comes to cult movie music and trailers. 

Listen here!

Track Listing

Show Opening
Battle Without Honor or Humanity (Kill Bill) - Tomoyasu Hotei
Shake Rattle And Roll (Clue)
Deep Red Rum ( Ad
Makin It (Meatballs) - David Naughton
Clash of the Titans Main Theme
The Evil Trailer
Eels Song - Mighty Boosh
Black Light (Death Note)
Facebook Public Service Announcement
American Way (Bodyslam) - Kick
Suzanne (Mallrats) - Weezer
Dan's Movie Poster Story
Man Behind the Mask (Friday the 13th Part 6) - Alice Cooper
The Inquisition (History of the World Part 1) - Mel Brooks
Blood Diner Trailer
Back to the Future Theme
Never Too Young To Die Intro
Never Too Young To Die - Iren Koster
You Can Be (Garbage Pail Kids Movie)
Galaxy of Terror Trailer
Starman - David Bowie
 Show Closing
Rocketman - William Shatner

Badasses Boobs and Bodycount Podcast Guest Starring ME!

My buddy Mike over at Badasses Boobs and Bodycounts just started up a new podcast and I was the lucky SOB who got to guest star! We talk about Onk Bak: The Thai Warrior and Nightmare City, being Twitter Buddies, and why I think Black Demons sucks.

Click below to listen! Also, read his site! This man knows his stuff!

Friday, August 10, 2012

FM (1978)

FM (1978)
Director: John A. Alonzo
Stars: Michael Brandon, Martin Mull, Eileen Brennan

QSKY is the hottest FM station in Los Angeles, with it's Tom Pettys and it's Eagles and the title track by Steely Dan. An eclectic group of DJ's led by Jeff Dugan go on strike when the higher ups want to shove army commercials all over the place. Look for a young Jimmy Buffet trying to save the whales with Livingston Saturday Night. I think the whales prefer to die.

Six Things I've Learned From FM

1. It's perfectly OK to replace your buddy with a former love interest and then never really think about that character again. Ho's before Bros!

2. I enjoyed the subtle way they take on the whole marijuana issue. I think they may enjoy it. Don't quote me on that though.

3. "We've got Linda Rondstant for several songs and by golly we're gonna show her singing all of them!"

4. If a woman has white nipples, it's a cop out to not freakin show them! You know how rare they are!? There's only like three reported cases in the U.S. and one of them is a guy!

5. The DJ's have such colorful names like Mother, Eric Swann, and the Prince of Darkness. If I worked there, I'd just be called the Round Mound of Sound. Assholes.

6. QSKY is a peacful, fun loving group who enjoys smoking pot, having sex, and illegally stealing concerts from other radio stations so they can get in trouble. But I forgive them because they know Reo Speedwagon.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Fatal Games VHS Artwork

In the Olympic sport of dying horribly, The United States captured the gold medal. USA! USA! We're number dead!

Bloody Birthday (1981)

Bloody Birthday (1981) 
Director: Ed Hunt 
Stars: Lori Lethin, Melinda Cordell, Julie Brown 

Lacking consciences because they were born during a solar eclipse, a trio of 10-year-olds embark on an indiscriminate killing spree. 

Six Things I Learned from Bloody Birthday: 

1. Babies born during the eclipse are evil. 

2. Graves are the best place to have sex. They’re designed for stiffs, after all. 

3. It’s worth shooting someone over a hiding spot. 

4. Guns don’t kill people. Evil eclipse children do! 

5. Ant poison makes for a good cake topping. 

6. Choking someone with a rubber hose is better than beating them with it.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Wide Weird World of Cult Radio Show #11!

In our latest episode, Dan buys something from a yard sale that may allow him to create life! With his personal Igor, Marty, Dan attempts to do what countless others have failed to themselves a wingman.

Listen Here!


Track Listing

Show Opening
Weird Science- Oingo Boingo
Frakenweenis is Born- Frankenweenie
Deep Red Rum ( Ad
Love Theme from Frankenstein's Daughter (?)- Harold Lloyd Jr.
Frankenstein General Hospital Trailer
Sequence 3 (Lady Frankenstein)- Alessandro Alessandroni
Liquid Sunshine- Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein Girl
Segment One (Getting the parts)
Frankenstein- New York Dolls
Badasses, Boobs and Bodycounts ( Ad
"Home...I have no home" speech (Bride of the Monster)
Here She Comes (Metropolis)- Bonnie Tyler
Frankenstein Vs Baragon- Akira Ifukube
Red Card Headbutt ( Ad
Frankenhooker Trailer
Segment Two (Marty searches for a brain)
Transylvania 6-5000 opening theme
Charles Atlas Song/I can make you a man (RHPS)- Tim Curry
Blackenstein Trailer
Frankenstein- The Pine Box Boys
Closing Segment (He's..Alive?)
Puttin on the Ritz (Young Frankenstein)- Gene Wilder and Peter Boyle
Parting words from Udo Kier

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Blood Shack VHS Artwork

The Blood Shack is a little known place where you can be dismembered. Tin roof....psycho.

Screwballs (1983)

Screwballs (1983) 
Director: Rafal Zielinski 
Stars: Peter Keleghan, Kent Deuters, Linda Speciale 

 Five horny high school students in detention decide to get even with the popular girl who squealed on them and landed them in trouble. They make a pact to deflower the virginal Purity Busch before the year's over. 

Six Things I've Learned from Screwballs 

1. Impersonating a doctor and groping women’s breasts does not result in jail time; only detention. 

2. Idaho is so terrible they must transfer their students to other states for education. 

 3. A frozen meat locker is the perfect place to masturbate. 

4. Commies always carry vodka with them. 

5. Condoms make great balloons. 

6. Getting your penis stuck in a bowling ball is a comical tragedy. Comical for the audience, a tragedy for the victim.