Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Baby Ghost (1995)

Baby Ghost (1995)
Director: Donald G. Jackson
Stars: Joe Estevez, Erin O'Bryan, Conrad Brooks

In this shot on video rarity, Joe Estevez is a studio photographer in what appears to be an office building. He wears an annoying bow tie, there's some lame psychic love interest also in the building, annoying kids, a dumbass security guard, and the eternally annoying Conrad Brooks. Oh and there's some ugly ass "ghost baby" that's running amok. None of it makes sense.

The guy who made this also "directed" Hell Comes To Frogtown. I liked that movie. This barely counts as a movie. In fact, it may have replaced Death Nurse as the worst movie I've ever seen. Sadly, I'm sure that'll be topped soon.

Six Things I've Learned About Baby Ghost

1. If you're a big fan of watching people walking around an empty office building, then this movie is straight up porn for you. Sit back, grab some tissues and enjoy the mundane wallpaper!

2. There must be some agency that only specializes in inept security guards. "What? No, I don't want the former trained policeman, I want the rat faced guy who can't even catch an 8 year old! He'll keep my building safe!"

3. There's a scene when Conrad Brooks literally tells the plot of Plan 9 From Outer Space (although he calls it Flying Saucers Over Hollywood). If poor Bela could see Conrad's acting, he'd yell "PULL ZE PLUG! PULL ZE PLUG!" Man, Conrad Brooks sucks.

4. They lure the baby ghost with one of those cheap Tiger electronics handheld games. I should have known that shitty special effects would be drawn to shitty handheld games.

5. There are two impossibly stupid crooks who break into the building for no reason. I don't have a joke there. They don't interact with the other characters, they see the ghost and get scared, and we never hear about them again. I hope they rot in that office building in bad movie purgatory.

6. I can't believe I'm saying this...but I felt bad for Joe Estevez. This movie was beneath him. Let me state that again in bold....BABY GHOST IS SUCH A SHITHEAP OF A FILM THAT IT WAS BENEATH JOE ESTEVEZ'S ACTING TALENTS.

"WHAT!? I get second billing behind Estevez!?"

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Dracula Duets Sneak Peek!

If you heard the last radio show (and shame on you if you didn't) you know that Dracula gave us a sneak peek at his new album "Dracula Duets". Today Drac has given us another sneak peek with that classic Grease song "You're the One That I Want". His duet partner for this is Miss Gladys Marks, known in three counties for her singing. Please enjoy...pretty please?

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Frozen Terror VHS Cover

"Let's see...we got soda...purple stuff...Jeff Foxworthy's severed head...OH BOY! SUNNY D!!"

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Wide Weird World of Cult Radio Show #22!

Dan Lashley returns after his failed attempt as a golddigger, a gigolo, and as a member of Mike Love's "Beach Boys" band to bring you more more great and weird music, trailers, and maybe a laugh or two (but only don't want to ruin your appetite). 

This week has a special guest, as 9 year old David Lee wins a contest to cohost with Dan! But tempers flare when David is expecting someone else. This show also boasts the world premiere single from our very own Dracula!

Listen Here!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Devil's Rain VHS Cover

YES! With the Devil's Rain, you dab just a little on the problem area, and watch your worries just melt away. Great on Ernest Borgnine's, Eddie Albert's, and even that unsightly John Travolta!

Monday, July 8, 2013

Godzilla vs. Hedorah (1971)

Godzilla vs. Hedorah (1971)
Director: Yoshimitsu Banno
Stars: Akira Yamauchi, Toshie Kimura, Hiroyuki Kawase, Toshio Shiba

From Earth's pollution a new monster is spawned. Hedorah, the smog monster, destroys Japan and fights Godzilla while spewing his poisonous gas to further the damage.

Six Things I Learned From Godzilla vs. Hedorah

1) Godzilla toys weren’t made to fight. They were made to go down slides.

2) Godzilla hates pollution! He’s an Earth Day advocate.

3) Hedorah is a party pooper…literally.

4) Fish masks are all the rage at night clubs.

5) Hedorah’s favorite snack is cars.

6) The solution to smog monsters is to hold a party on the top of Mt. Fuji.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Truckers Woman VHS Cover

Much like "Trucker's Buddy" brand speed, the formula for Truckers Woman was also lessened. Now instead of having sex with you in front of wildly out of control semi's, she gives a relaxing, but non sexual, shoulder massage.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Hot Resort (1985)

Hot Resort (1985)
Director: John Robins
Stars: Bronson Pinchot, Dan Schneider, The "Leon's Getting Larger" guy from Airplane!

In the 80's there was apparently a fad in which every sex comedy had to take place at a resort. I understand why...bikinis, nice locations to film in, boobs but it makes things a bit...repetitive. This movie tries, but I still had to look up the movie by the partial title Resort. This brought seemingly 112 movies with that in the title. Yikes.

This movie is about brave young men going out on their own to earn money for college by being the hardest workers they can be....I'm just fucking with you. Their idea of earning money is to get laid so many times that Hugh Hefner is like "whoa boys, take a break here and there". It's not just the employees (the main character is some weird cross between John Travolta and Epstein) , there's the oh so hilarious couple who has sex in every place imaginable. This couple has sex so much that when I later put in the DVD for Dawn of the Dead, they were there fucking in the mall!

The plot's pretty thread bare...more like a bunch of skits about guys getting laid. There's TV's Riddler Frank Gorshin talking about getting laid, the gay guy from Airplane! making jokes about sex, and of course Balki as one of the wisecracking staff...talking about sex. Does this movie make sense? Don't be reedickulus!

Six Things I've Learned From Hot Resort

1. There's a drill Sargent type who insults and berates the staff throughout the movie and then suddenly turns gay and hooks up with the guy from Airplane! I guess it's some deep kind of although you can have a tough exterior, inside us all is this sensitive man yearing to come free...or they just typed the script blindfolded.

2. The main villains in this film are a rowing team filming some stupid soup commercial. The best part is how they talk. I guess the director hated Gilligan's Island (and rightfully so) because every one of these rowing bastards talk just like Thurston Howell the 3rd.

3. Dan Schneider gets all the ass in this movie. Yes, Ricky from Better Off Dead. That should tell you everything. "I'm sorry my ugly nipples blew up Ricky".

4. The horny couple have sex in somebody's car when the guy's back goes out. They tear the roof of the car so they can airlift the naked dude. THEY DESTROYED A STRANGERS CAR! What kind of note do you leave? Knowing them, probably their address and best times to come watch them have sex.

5. An old man is so horny in this film that at the end he gets a machine gun to murder his old wife with. I guess he wanted to have sex with muscular dudes because movie or no, you usually go to jail for that.

6. Judging by all the movies I've seen, if I were to go to a resort, I'd figure the staff will destroy my room, dump drinks on me, punch me in the balls, and have sex with my shoes. I ain't leaving no tip for squishy shoes pal!