Saturday, February 15, 2014

Fangs (1981)

Fangs (1981)
Director: Mohammed Shebl
Stars: No clue. I can't read Egyptian

Turkey is apparently not the only country that enjoys ripping off American movies. This entry from Egypt is a wild and wacky copy of that perennial midnight movie, the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

the director picks and chooses what he liked about Rocky Horror because instead of the transsexual Transylvania Frank-N-Furter, we end up with DRACULA as the main bad guy. He does have fabulous hair though. There's a Brad and Janet duo and a sort of Riff Raff hunchback, but Magenta and Colombia have been replaced with a large black vampire guy. Oh, and there's also a narrator throughout the film like the Criminologist, although this guy looks like a drunk veteran newspaper reporter.

Much like the Turkey films, this one starts out pretty straightforward, but then it veers right into Absurdville. What I could make of the plot is the fake Brad and Janet break down and arrive at Dracula's castle. He proceeds to put her under his spell and people dance badly to awful musical numbers. Fake Brad is upset but hey, what can you do? It's fucking Dracula, man.

Six Things I Took From Fangs

1.If you don't quite have the budget to recreate the "Science Fiction Double Feature" like opening, probably not the best idea to just paint the guy's head black.

2. Various songs ripped off for this movie includes the Munsters theme, Jaws theme, James Bond theme, and the Pink Panther theme.

3. The dancers in this movie look like they are as inspired to dance as a fat kid going to fat camp. Horrible choreography that any senior citizen group with broken hips could replicate. I did like that the party guests all looked like people going to a KISS concert that have only learned about KISS 5 minutes before putting on their makeup. "Hey look...I'm the Starcat!"

4. So Dracula, trying to go to the woman he desires, decides to go outside and crawl UP the damn castle wall. You own the damn place man, just walk up the stairs! Save the climbing nonsense for when you go to those outdoorsy type stores with the douchebags climbing the fake rock wall.

5. We get it movie, you love Rocky Horror. You don't have to have one of the characters actually put on a shirt with the RHPS poster on it.

6. This movie is an hour and forty minutes. It should have been like eighty minutes because there's a weird twenty minute sequence that randomly places our fake Brad and Janet at different points of their married lives. Life's shitting on them and there's Dracula all over the place...playing a repairman, a cab driver, probably a juggling narcoleptic veterinarian too (I sorta tuned out). The fake Criminologist laughs at each scenario. Why was this needed!? It totally took me out of the story of Dracula showing fake Brad and Janet fake Bergman videos on his small television. I'm not kidding about that.

Here's a clip someone uploaded on Youtube. Don't worry about the lack of subtitles...they don't help.