Bloodstream (1985)

Bloodstream (1985)

Director: Michael J. Murphy

Stars:  Patrick Olliver, Jacqueline Logan, Mark Wells

I love getting a hold of rare movies. For the most part, there's a pretty damn good reason why they are considered rare, but it's the thrill of the hunt that I enjoy. I started out with more well known stuff like Death Bed and 555, but as time goes on, I'm getting weirder and weirder stuff. 

My last review, Black River Monster, has an IMDB listing but no actors listed. Bloodstream however, has no IMDB listing. I know it's not hard to get one considering all the porn and wrestling pay per views that get listed on there. Hell, I even have an IMDB listing. So of course I had to see what the mystery was about this movie.

This super 8mm film out of England is one of those typical slasher films, with the killer in some kooky costume. The story is this director makes a bad horror film that the distributor doesn't like. The director gets fired and he sits at home watching more bad movies. But wait! Turns out the distributor is a right bastard because he goes ahead and releases the film. So his scheme was:

1. Fund film

2. Fire Director

3. Release film

4. Profit!

At least he had a full plan of action there.

So the receptionist, with pounds notes in her eyes, tells the director about it and convinces the poor dope to start offing everyone close to the distributor. Oh, and because he's arty, he has to film it as well.

There's some nudity in there, and the gore is pretty good for the obviously low budget this film had. It drags because of all the video watching, but otherwise an enjoyable film.

Six Things I've Learned From Bloodstream

1. Horror movie rule #41: If you've had a hand in ruining someone's life, do NOT by any means, start bench pressing weights at random times of the day. The weights will be used against you in a negative manner. Just consider it a cheat day...a cheating death day.

2. You know you're in a first class distributor's office when the walls are lined with random people's headshots.

3. The sleazy distributor looks an awful lot like the Master from Manos. If he had better help taking care of the place, that crazy director wouldn't have broken into it so easily.

4. You ever wanted to see how this director would have handled other kinds of films? This movie is like a personal demo reel for the real director. There's a Mad Max clone, an Exorcist clone, and more. My favorite is the movie within the movie about a guy getting boarded up in the flimsiest made wooden jail like structure so he won't get out when he turns into a ridiculous werewolf. The werewolf costume is so bad Spencer's gifts wouldn't sell it half off. SPOILER: He gets out.

5. I really hope "Awaken Zombie" "Return of Lucifer" and "Cobra Kill!" are real movies.

6. If your ultimate plan to get money is to make some poor dope a serial killer, don't be so damn surprised when you find out he starts to really enjoy it. Chastising him on his evidence disposal methods will not lead to anything good for you health wise. 

"I didn't see this coming!"