Wednesday, September 18, 2013

2 Everything 2 Terrible 2: Tokyo Drift (2010)

2 Everything 2 Terrible 2: Tokyo Drift (2010)
Director: The fine folks at Everything Is Terrible
Stars: Duane, Tiny Hitler, Cat Massaging Lady

I am a compilation video junkie. From those  trailer compilations with the same 30 trailers in it to the weird and wacky Lost and Found Video Night series, if they were food I'd weight 500lbs by now. I tend to like the goofy ones better, and if there's death in it, I'd rather it be gory movie deaths instead of the Faces of Death bullshit. I like to be entertained, not depressed.

This brings me to Everything is Terrible. Their first movie is the standard collection of oddball instructional videos and other oddities, with some slight editing. I of course loved it. But then I had a chance to watch the sequel. I couldn't pass it up. Would it live up to the original?

Oh it exceeded it with one of the most epic stories cut together and reassembled on tape.

The story, as coherent as it can be, concerns the death of the Christ figure Duane, a hip hop dancing kid who knows the score. When he is tragically murdered, the world degrades into sex, drugs, and cat massaging. Hitler, now in the body of an 10 year old boy, tries to rule the Earth. Will he take over, or will a miracle dance it's way out of the sky? I won't spoil it for you.

Six Things I've Learned From 2 Everything 2 Terrible 2: Tokyo Drift

1. Klingons are uncircumcised. At least that's what the rogue Christian Trekkie told me. Klingon plays a mean guitar though.

2. If I'm out and about and I see a couple doing the music kiss (which is kissing to the beat, turning your head side to side) I will send the uncircumcised Klingon to bash their heads in with the guitar.

3. If Duane is gone, it means no pizza. I can almost handle a little Hitler, but no pizza!? That is a fate worse than death.

4. Whenever the world is just overwhelming me, I take a skate break. I'm still overwhelmed, but at least I have a nice neon outfit to look forward to. Can't touch this!

5. In one clip,a man is asked if he thought about having sex with animals. His reply is "Do whales count"? Be sure to check which section you rent Free Willy from. Just a handy tip.

6. I don't know what video series include a Jerry Seinfeld lookalike doing the helicopter with his little Jerry flapping about, but I want all copies of it to be burned. The only thing that could be worse is a George lookalike coming in naked from the pool.

Duane: Never Forget

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