The Beyond (1981)

The Beyond (1981)
Director: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Catriona Maccoll, David Warbeck, Al Cliver

Liza inherits a New Orleans hotel from a mysterious uncle and begins working to get the place open. However, strange and increasingly grisly things keep happening, starting with a worker who falls off a scaffold after seeing a pair of eyes looking out at him from an upstairs window. The occurrences center around room 36, which coincidentally was the room of a painter/warlock who was murdered in the hotel many years ago by superstitious swamp folk because he was trying to open a portal to hell. Those jerks! Liza can't sell the hotel, because she's broke and this is her last chance. With the help of a friendly doctor, can she solve the mystery of the Seven Doors Hotel before the world ends?

SEVEN things I've learned by watching The Beyond

1. If you inherit a property, and find two people already employed there who you immediately distrust, FIRE THEM! Fire the hell out of them. You're the $#%*&@! boss, after all.

2. If you are picking up brain waves while doing an EEG on a person who has been dead for years, you're probably looking at the beginning of a zombie outbreak.

3. Do not climb ladders or scaffolds if you are easily startled.

4. Do not pick up weird ladies who hang around on bridges. In most cases you're only risking an STD, but you could get lucky and facilitate the opening of a gate to hell.

5. Do not entry.

6.  Sometimes it's best to just lie back and let art flow over you. It is not best to lie back and let acid flow over you.

7. Eyes? Where we're going we don't need eyes!

WWWofCF's Top 15 Horror Movie Moments #12 and #11!

#12 "Must Have Been Something She Ate" - City of the Living Dead

The blame for me becoming a big Fulci fan can be squarely placed on my wife (who does the fantastic Deep Red Rum site. I'm particularly fond of his unholy trilogy (The Beyond, City of the Living Dead, House By the Cemetery). Now while I'm not as fond of House and I'm sure the Beyond will make an appearance on this list, this scene is without a doubt my favorite Fulci scene. Why? I can't say for sure. Maybe it's the horror of seeing some lady bleed out of her eyes and then throw up her innards. Or maybe it's because the dumbass boyfriend gets what little brain he has ripped out of the back of his head. Maybe I've just always wanted to stare at people until something gross happens. I think it's a combination of all three.

#11 "They're All Gonna Laugh At You!" - Evil Dead 2

Anyone that's listened to my radio show (All 7 of you) know that I have an unhealthy obsession with my Evil Dead 2 DVD. This scene is the reason why. I'm always a fan of massive blood baths, and this scene sure doesn't dissapoint. It's like the Skittles of bloodbaths, all the colors of the rainbow! Well that's close enough to send anyone on the brink of insanity, but when all the furniture in the cabin starts to laugh at you...you can almost hear Ash's mind snapping. 

It's a very disturbing scene because I secretly live in fear of doing something stupid in private...like singing What's Love Got to Do With It in my underwear and thinking that the toaster is telling the griddle how much of a goofy jackass I am. I get so upset I throw the toaster, breaking it into pieces while yelling at it. My mascera is running and I'm crying out "YOU CAN'T FEEL MY PAIN! YOU JUST MAKE TOAST!! DON'T JUDGE MEEEE!!" and then my wife comes home to find me in the fetal position and ignores me.

You know...just a typical 50's family.

City of The Living Dead (1980)

City of The Living Dead (1980)

Director: Lucio Fulci

Stars: Christopher George, Catriona MacColl, Carlo De Mejo

In the first of Fulci's trilogy (the others being The Beyond and House By The Cemetery), a preacher hangs himself, waking up a bunch of dead folk and generally cause mayhem and mischief himself. A reporter, a woman who previously died, and a therapist who dates high school girls set out to stop it. Brains are squished like one of those stress relieving balls. It's pretty neat-o.

Six Things I've Learned from City of The Living Dead

1. That ain't Nestle's strawberry syrup dripping into that milk!

2. Don't pet old dead ladies because they bite and then lay around in your kitchen for no reason.

3. Never let Christopher George help you out of a coffin.

4. Teenage guy smoking pot in a car with a teenage girl = drill in the head. Forty year old therapist dating a teenage girl = welcome with open arms.

5. Zombies don't run here, instead they've mastered the art of teleportation.

6. He's psychotic, he's so needing...he'll get your little eyeballs bleeding. Throwing up all your insides, he's got...EVIL PREACHER EYES!