Getting to Know Me - My 6 Favorite Horror Movies

This week (specifically March 19th) marks the three year anniversary of the Wide Weird World of Cult Films, and I thought I'd spend the next couple of weeks celebrating by letting you take a glimpse inside my brain and see what movies ended up shaping this slightly pudgy man before you. Since most of you love horror, I thought it only fitting that we start there...and going to go old school here by listing SIX of my all-time favorite horror films (in no particular order).

Pieces

This is hands down my favorite slasher. Take two parts George (Christopher and Lynda), throw in a dash of Bluto from Robert Altman's Popeye, center it with the "It Stinks" guy from Pod People, and throw in generous portions of nudity and mostly bad gore, and you have one of the most insane viewing experiences of your life. Bonus Jack Taylor included.

                                  

Burial Ground

This movie may have the barest of plot (along with the barest of ladies) and zombies that look like failed plaster life cast subjects and you have Burial Ground. There's a real sense of dread watching this, and I don't mean because it's bad. You know these schmucks are doomed, and we have to watch every uncomfortable moment of it. There is some good gore in this, and some grisly deaths, but the main reason to see this movie can be explained in two words...Peter Bark

My Bloody Valentine

Oh Canada, you land of glorious horror. This film picked up where Friday the 13th left off and went after a holiday filled with love and torn out hearts. The deaths are the highlight of this film,even more so now that the gorier deleted scenes have been restored. You really need to see that goofy comic relief fully have his head pop off and his body tumble to the ground in uncut glory. I laugh every time.

Another plus is that I've interacted with Paul Kelman (who played TJ) on facebook, and he is one cool sumbitch.

Dead And Buried

This film may be the most original use of zombies ever. They aren't brainless monster out for an all you can eat human buffet, but average looking citizens who just happen to murder people. Oh but it's alright because the friendly mortician will just fix em right up so they can join the town! These zombies are much more terrifying to me than the other kind, and Jack Albertson (in his final role) seems to relish playing an evil mortician playing God. The scene where he's performing his reconstruction magic is a true highlight.

City of The Living Dead

Geez this list makes me out to be some sort of undead enthusiast. I couldn't have a list of my favorite horror movies without something from Lucio Fulchi's trilogy in it. Now for the longest time The Beyond would have been my pic...and I'm still a huge fan of it, but over the years this one (also known as the Gates of Hell) has edged it out slightly. I wish I could say it's because of the plot, or the terrific acting, but in reality it's because I enjoy the deaths just too damn much. Three brain squeezings, a drill through the noggin, and a woman showing us the way her insides work in a way that Slim Goodbody never thought to make this a seminal gore classic.

Frailty

This one may be a bit of a surprise after I listed bloodfest after bloodfest, but this movie doesn't get nearly the love it should. The idea that God sends messages to folks saying "Hey yo, these folks are demons. How about I show you where there's a good axe to be found and you go chop em up for me...OK?" is something that fascinates me. Plus who wouldn't want God to blur out your face on video cameras? It sure would keep people from knowing how often I visited Big Pete's House of Sex Meats.

Next time I'll take a look at a subject that some people say I'm good at, and others wish I would stop...comedies!

15 Underrated Villains - The Top Five!

We've worked hard, scraped by, and murdered a few hobos, but we have finally gotten to the final five. My own personal choices as to who "I" think is underrated. Let's take a look!

5. Frank and Julia (Hellraiser)

The only couple on the list, but what an evil couple they are. Julia is married to Frank's brother, but was seeing him on the downlow. She was sad when Frank died, but surprise, Frank's alive. Well sort of. He looks like he belongs in a biology classroom, but hey, he's still got that charm.

Frank and Julia kill guys and other dastardly things before the Cenobites come looking for Frank. I think he owes Pinhead twenty bucks.

4. Harry Warden/Axel (My Bloody Valentine)

It's hard not to feel sorry for Axel. I mean, watching your dad get his heart ripped out will probably do a little damage to one's psyche. But that's no reason to go off and kill your buddies. Yeah, Happy was a bastard, and that joking guy's death was pretty neat, and the way you killed that woman with the shower was damn impressive...

You know what? Fuck em. I don't blame you.



3. Angela (Sleepaway Camp)

Hey look, another Angela on this list! Kinda. There's nothing wrong with roleplaying, except when it's forced. Then people lose their heads and you end up making terrifying faces while nude.



 
2. Father William Thomas (City of The Living Dead/Gates of Hell)

This guy willingly hangs himself so that the gates of Hell will open and dead people will go around causing bad shit to happen. That's a real bastard for you. Maybe he's upset that every time he went on a date and gazed into his lovely lady's eyes, she starts throwing up her vital organs. That makes asking for a second date rather awkward.



1. The Townsfolk of Pleasant Valley (2000 Maniacs)

I figured that for the top slot no single ordinary villain would do. So how about a whole town full of southern ghosts out to murder and maim yankee tourists in inventive and ghastly ways? You can say all the bad things you want about these folks, but you have to admit that they sure are having fun killing and dancing and drinking moonshine and probably sleeping with their ghost cousin. I'm from Kentucky...I can say shit like that.





Next week, I go from wonderfully evil villains into a much darker place. A place where budget and talent and good screenwriting all flies out the window like someone getting a money proposal from Donald Jackson. Stay tuned.

WWWofCF's Top 15 Horror Movie Moments #12 and #11!

#12 "Must Have Been Something She Ate" - City of the Living Dead

The blame for me becoming a big Fulci fan can be squarely placed on my wife (who does the fantastic Deep Red Rum site. I'm particularly fond of his unholy trilogy (The Beyond, City of the Living Dead, House By the Cemetery). Now while I'm not as fond of House and I'm sure the Beyond will make an appearance on this list, this scene is without a doubt my favorite Fulci scene. Why? I can't say for sure. Maybe it's the horror of seeing some lady bleed out of her eyes and then throw up her innards. Or maybe it's because the dumbass boyfriend gets what little brain he has ripped out of the back of his head. Maybe I've just always wanted to stare at people until something gross happens. I think it's a combination of all three.

#11 "They're All Gonna Laugh At You!" - Evil Dead 2

Anyone that's listened to my radio show (All 7 of you) know that I have an unhealthy obsession with my Evil Dead 2 DVD. This scene is the reason why. I'm always a fan of massive blood baths, and this scene sure doesn't dissapoint. It's like the Skittles of bloodbaths, all the colors of the rainbow! Well that's close enough to send anyone on the brink of insanity, but when all the furniture in the cabin starts to laugh at you...you can almost hear Ash's mind snapping. 

It's a very disturbing scene because I secretly live in fear of doing something stupid in private...like singing What's Love Got to Do With It in my underwear and thinking that the toaster is telling the griddle how much of a goofy jackass I am. I get so upset I throw the toaster, breaking it into pieces while yelling at it. My mascera is running and I'm crying out "YOU CAN'T FEEL MY PAIN! YOU JUST MAKE TOAST!! DON'T JUDGE MEEEE!!" and then my wife comes home to find me in the fetal position and ignores me.

You know...just a typical 50's family.

City of The Living Dead (1980)

City of The Living Dead (1980)

Director: Lucio Fulci

Stars: Christopher George, Catriona MacColl, Carlo De Mejo

In the first of Fulci's trilogy (the others being The Beyond and House By The Cemetery), a preacher hangs himself, waking up a bunch of dead folk and generally cause mayhem and mischief himself. A reporter, a woman who previously died, and a therapist who dates high school girls set out to stop it. Brains are squished like one of those stress relieving balls. It's pretty neat-o.

Six Things I've Learned from City of The Living Dead

1. That ain't Nestle's strawberry syrup dripping into that milk!

2. Don't pet old dead ladies because they bite and then lay around in your kitchen for no reason.

3. Never let Christopher George help you out of a coffin.

4. Teenage guy smoking pot in a car with a teenage girl = drill in the head. Forty year old therapist dating a teenage girl = welcome with open arms.

5. Zombies don't run here, instead they've mastered the art of teleportation.

6. He's psychotic, he's so needing...he'll get your little eyeballs bleeding. Throwing up all your insides, he's got...EVIL PREACHER EYES!