Monday, November 5, 2012

Hellroller (1992)

Hellroller (1992)
Director: Gary J. Levinson
Stars: Ron Littman, Michelle Bauer, Penny Arcade

In this shot on video "film", and I use that term as loosely as humanly possible, a homeless man in a wheelchair snaps and kills people. That's it. Wheelchair homicide. If there wasn't boobs in this, it would beat out Death Nurse as the worst film I've ever seen. 

Six Things I've Learned from Hellroller

1. Spent all your money on the boobs? That's alright. Just cut away and then plop some red glob on the actor. Problem solved!

2. Johnny Legend does a great Tommy Chong impression.

3. I know she did it for money, but do you think Michelle Bauer is embarrassed for being in this shit? I like to think she is. "Get naked for your camcorder? Sure!"

4. Eugene (the wheelchair guy) is a bad partner. He promises his stupid new murder buddy (played by the director) he can have his way with the women victims but the first one comes along and Eugene has to kill him. If that's not enough, his victim is stupid enough to help him!

5. Don't want to show passage of time? Just have the actors leave and then renter the scene. NEW DAY!

6.  Eugene has more mood swings than a 13 year old girl.

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