Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Psycho Cop (1989)

Psycho Cop (1989)
Director: Wallace Potts
Stars:  Bobby Ray Shafer, Palmer Lee Todd, Jeff Qualle

If there was ever a title that wasn't misleading, this would be it. He's a cop, and the guy sure as hell is psycho...so no false advertising there. The story...what little there is of one....is 6 young douchebags going to the longest mansion ever out in the middle of nowhere to drink beer. That's all these fuckers do is ask for beer. They may be the most functional alcoholics ever shot on film. Anyway, Psycho Cop follows them there and begins killing them one by one. If you're expecting gore, or nudity, or anything resembling decent acting, well you're shit out of luck here pal. It is amusing to watch Psycho Cop walk around like he dropped a deuce in his pants, and the movie is competently shot, I can see why there hasn't been an outcry for this to be on DVD here in the US. Apparently there's a sequel to this, but fuck that noise.

Six Things I've Learned About Psycho Cop

1. Judging by what these guys brought, the only meals they were having was beer and Stouffer's. Yum. It's pretty funny (and kinda gross) to see that Stouffer's hasn't changed their packaging in over 20 years.

2. This film attempts to take any ideas of jerk off material away by dressing the women in swimsuits that would be considered risque...in 1947.

3. Psycho Cop has the ability to appear right in front of you no matter where you are. This leads to some awkward moments when you have to take a shit in the middle of being chased. He'll turn his head though. He's not a MONSTER.

4. Don't know why Psycho Cop's the way he is? Don't worry, another cop will let you know the whole backstory before his heart is "ripped" out. Loose lips sink ships, asshole!

5. This movie makes sure that our characters say that something strange is going on every 30 seconds. It's like a guy who tells a sorta funny joke, and then repeats the joke for an hour and a half.

6. I sorta felt sorry for Psycho Cop because he tried to do the Freddy Kruger clever lines delivery, but all he could come up with is "have a heart" and "you have the right to remain dead". Bless his satanic heart,

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