Friday, December 21, 2012

Phantom Brother (1988)

Phantom Brother (1988)
Director: William Szarka
Stars: John Gigante, Mary Beth Pelshaw, Jon Hammer

In this very rare shot on video flick, some morons get killed in a house by a guy wearing one of those half black/half white masks. This house is the childhood home of Able, who was the only survivor of a car crash that killed his family...or was he? Why is he protecting the oreo man? Who the hell are the fat lady and the girl scout? Where is the logic in this film? How does the crazy doctor drive with a never ending six pack of beer? What the hell am I doing enjoying this crap?

My better half was not a fan of this film and tells us why HERE. Well worth the read.

Six Things I've Learned From Phantom Brother

1. Never get adopted by a family called the Hickmans. They will do everything to try to live up to their last name. Well at least it's not the Shitheads.

2. They can explain that fear and sex are close together as many times as they want to in this film, they are morons for trying to get laid in an abandoned house. Motel 6 too good for you, Jersey stereotype?

3. An entire wall of files all about some crazy guy will never be funny.

4. I don't care if he makes housecalls, I don't want a drunken doctor named Dr. Van Dam to examine me.

5. Beware of roving bands of bad filmmakers coming into your place randomly to shoot some awful shit.

6. If at any point I start having fantasies about living with an annoying girl scout and an always eating woman, feel free to force me to watch a marathon of Nick Millard films. That's the closest thing to death for me.

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