Thursday, December 6, 2012

Girls Gone Dead (2012)

Girls Gone Dead (2012)
Director: Michael Hoffman Jr. , Aaron T Wells
Stars: Katie Peterson, Shea Stewart, Jerry "The King" Lawler

In this gruesome horror/comedy, a group of hot girls go to stay for a weekend in a big house where a religious serial killer with a large war hammer is killing off "immoral" people. There's also a Girls Gone Wild type of shoot happening nearby, where a bored Ron Jeremy and a disturbingly happy Beetlejuice are hanging about. I went into this thinking it was going to be one of those lame spoofs like Jim Wynorski's Bare Wench Project, but found myself really enjoying this. It helps that one of my favorite wrestlers, Jerry "The King" Lawler is in it as well, and has the best attack against a villain ever. EVER.

Six Things I've Learned From Girls Gone Dead

1. That even though I knew there would be boobies in this, I was happily surprised to see that most of them weren't giant rock hard boulders strapped on some woman's body. Real boobs are awesome.

2. This film shows a more tender, sympathetic side to the Joe Francis type character. I'm fuckin' with ya. He's a giant douchebag.

3. With enough alcohol, we fat men can also get laid by drunk horny chicks. Of course the amount of alcohol is determined by a montage of just drinking. So I'm thinking she drank about 114 shots of booze.

4. If you ever see a can of gasoline in a film, no matter how minor it looks, there WILL be someone running around flailing their arms around on fire. Stop drop and roll, dummy!

5. It wasn't so much the killings that bothered me, but the fact that someone decided to clone the look and mannerisms/acting ability of Tara Reid. *shudders*

6. One of my favorite bad movie actors is in this...the great Asbestos Felt. I need to review Killing Spree next.

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