15 Underrated Villains #11: Conal Cochran (Halloween 3)

I must admit to something, and I know in horror fandom it's on par with blasphemy, but I need to get it off my chest. I'll hope you'll respect me in the morning when I say this.

I don't like Michael Myers.

Now don't get me wrong, the first Halloween was a really good slasher. Hell, any movie where I get to see PJ Soles topless is a-ok with me. But Michael Myers as a character was a bit one note. You can say the same with Jason, but no one takes those films seriously.

After part two, John Carpenter and Debra Hill wanted to take the series in another direction by making each new film a different story based on the holiday itself, which I thought was a great idea. But the poor box office to Halloween III put an end to that. 

I love  the third Halloween film. I know it gets shit on by lots of people because of the lack of a mute guy in a bad Shatner mask, but if you can look past that, it really is a scary, fun ride.

Dr. Challis goes to Santa Mira to investigate a mysterious death involving a Silver Shamrock mask and some bulging eyes being pushed waaay back in the poor dope's head. Chalis takes the dead man's daughter with him, and they get busy in a gross motel room. 

Challis and Boo find out that the whole town is under the control of one Conal Cochran, the owner of Silver Shamrock Novelties. Conal is like a mix between your kind grandpa, and Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.

Challis and Boo end up finding out that the guards Conal has aren't men, but Devo androids. Like in most horror movies, they are caught and separated. Challis finally learns of Conal's evil plan as he watches the lamest family in America get an early test of the new Silver Shamrock commercial that's about to be aired. Side effects to this commercial includes panic, disorder, bugs and snakes coming out of your body, and death. 

It's very strange to see children die in a horror film, and I like seeing it not because of kids dying, but because I know there isn't much that's going to be taboo. Cochran is the ultimate "DAMN KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!" guy in that he plans on using chips in the Silver Shamrock masks to go off when the commercial is played, killing all these kids. That is one fucked up man.

Here's Conal telling Challis why he's doing what he doing. Enjoy!

WWWofCF's Top 15 Favorite Horror Movie Moments #14

Today we're going to look at what I consider the best Halloween film. I know some of you will have those pitchforks and torches ready (and where are you getting those torches at?) because everyone loves the original Halloween. While I enjoy that film, and it boasts one of the greatest horror themes ever, it just lacks something to me. I will say it was close only for the thrill of seeing PJ Soles' boobs, but I have the extended version of Stripes to watch constantly...and alone...and with tissue.

Halloween 3 is my favorite of the series simply because the story is pretty damn awesome.  a crazy  mask maker (who owns a town and has a 6 pm curfew) and his army of robots steals one of the large rocks of Stonehenge. That's right, somehow this guy and his walking mechanical army actually managed to BRING A PART OF STONEHENGE BACK TO THE UNITED STATES!! Anyway, Doctor Challus, who is a big ol' whore, is trying unravel the mystery behind these masks. 

Now let me go slightly off topic and ask a question...why would all these kids want what basically ammounts to three very fucking generic masks? I'm sure Skull head Elvis would be a hit at parties, but there's only so many ways you take a witch mask. Was it the givaway? Cause if so, that must have been the best prize on the face of the earth for kids to play a pumpkin for halloween. More like halloweenies, amirite?

#14 "Watch the Magic Pumpkin" Halloween 3

Today's scene is one of my favorites simply because an annoying kid gets it. I get tired of seeing the kid get away simply because they're a fucking kid. If it's a smart kid who outwits the killer, that's different, but Billy Bastard should have to follow the same rules of horror films as us adults, dagnabbit. 

I have no idea why a small piece of Stonehenge would cause a kid to spit out bugs and large snakes. I was saddened however, to find the no midgets were going to come out and dance around the dead kid. That race of druids means business!

Prince of Darkness (1987)

Prince of Darkness (1987)

Director: John Carpenter

Stars: Donald Pleasence, Lisa Blount, Alice Cooper

The Catholic Church and Donald Pleasence are keeping the devil in a 7 million year old jar in a Los Angeles church basement. When the devil becomes disturbingly active, a team of scientists working for Victor Wong try to quantify ol' Scratch; unfortunately, they are soon under siege by both Satan on the inside and a bunch of possessed homeless people led by Alice Cooper (whose hair looks great here) on the outside. Best of all, everyone in the church starts having the same dream: a creepy transmission of a video from the then-future of the 90s warning them of something they'd find out about if all the crap going on would let them sleep long enough to get that far in the dream. I am not ashamed to say that I think Prince of Darkness is John Carpenter's best work. 

Six Things I've Learned from Prince of Darkness

1. "A nice Chinese restaurant" is an obscure euphemism for an orgasm. 

2. Susan is a radiologist with glasses. 

3.Jesus was an extraterrestrial. 

4.They didn't have differential equations 2000 years ago!! 

5.You can stave off demonic possession just long enough to cut your own throat by singing "Amazing Grace" and laughing manically.

6.When you're trapped in a closet by two demon possessed women, the best thing to do is make wisecracks. That way the other people in the building will hear you and come to your rescue. 

Bonus fact:.  No matter what appendage you chop off of the devil's favorite possessed lady, it will grow right back.