Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Marley's Revenge: The Monster Movie (1989)

Marley's Revenge: The Monster Movie (1989)
Director: Jet Eller
Stars: Donny Broom. Alvin Johnson, A Wicked Alligator Man puppet

For the first film of Awful Movie Month, I picked something I have never heard of before. All I knew was that the premise sounded funny to me. I wasn't sure if it was going to be a "so bad it's good" kinda film or simply a "please God kill me now" kind of film. Thankfully, it's the former.

This film is about two goofy friends named Gary and Alan, who are trying to get Gary's aunt and uncle safely to North Carolina. This plan turns to shit when a gang of redneck vigilantes, led by the stereotypical sheriff, kidnap the bumbling duo and try to kill them. When Gary's aunt dies at the hands of these bastards, Uncle Marley takes revenge...and that revenge is spelled V-O-O-D-O-O.

Marley brings back all the dead drug dealers these assholes have killed, along with a giant gator man /monster, to extract revenge. Yep, we're dealing with redneck zombies.

Things I've Learned/Took From Marley's Revenge

- Contrary to popular belief, Africa Dan is NOT based on me. I've never been to Africa. Now Kentucky Dan...that's me to a tee. I can teach you how to survive on Cool Ranch Doritos and Pepsi. 

- Why does the aunt, who is American, speak with that generic Haiti accent?

- This movie proves that funny bumper stickers aren't just for cars. Shit Happens indeed, you wise ol' cooler.

- There were so many badly dubbed people, I thought this was an Italian flick at first. Or maybe a Godfrey Ho movie.

- Despite the awfulness of this film, the alligator monster puppet is pretty damn impressive. Not scary in the slightest, but impressive nonetheless. 

- If you ever encounter a southern redneck zombie, remember two words...Moon Pie.

- Nurses in insane asylums think that staring into corners of room is pretty damn sexy. So start staring!

-Since I started off pretty safe (this movie is terrible, but fun), that means that the next film is gonna hurt...a lot.

- If you have two local DJ's mock your movie, it's only fair that they have to eat themselves.

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