Thursday, June 21, 2012

Roadhouse (1989)

Roadhouse (1989)
Director: Rowdy Herrington
Stars: Patrick Swayze, Ben Gazarra, Kelly Lynch

In what can only be described as the greatest movie set in a bar ever (and also tops Mike Nelson's cheesiest movie list), Dalton (Swayze) is the ultimate male. Meditates with his shirt off, makes love on rocky walls, shoves people heads into tables...he can do it all. But can Dalton beat the local wealthy psychopath (Gazarra) with eyes for Dalton's honey (Lynch)?  Also, gratuitous butt shot...of Swayze. 

Six Things I've Learned from Roadhouse

1. I know most of you expect me to say "pain don't hurt" but I tried this theory out in my local bar and got a beer bottle smashed upside my head. Pain does in fact hurt like a bitch.

2. While I think Sam Elliot is an awesome actor, I never thought to myself "Hey, this movie needs some Sam Elliot pubes".

3. It's easy to run a town when the town is made up of like five or six buildings. You practically have the pick of any number of sleazy scumbags to hire.

4. Extremely tall men have no dancing ability whatsoever. It's really embarrassing. Please stop it.

5. I wonder if Jeff Healey's character got to bang lots of hot chicks, or if his band mates only told him they were hot when they look like a shovelface.

6. You know, Patrick Swayze really does have a sweet ass.

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