Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Candy Colored Nightmares Episode 9!

In this pizza induced nightmare, Alabaster dreams of Alice Cooper, Epic Birthdays, Exploding Love Dolls, and knowledge that the bird is indeed the word. Check it out!

Announcing this year's WWWofCF's Annual Halloween List!

It's my favorite time of year..where there's lot of halloween candy to eat (try the candy corn hersheys..they're delicious) and scary movies to see. The last two years have seen me cover my favorite horror moments and those characters I felt deserve to die. I was desperately trying to figure out which are to cover when it hit me...

Bravo's Top 100 Scariest Moments is a list filled of shit? Well yeah, but not that.

I noticed on lots of people's list, that they mention a certain group of horror villains. To me (and my wife, since we were discussing this) that if all anyone knows of great horror movie villains are just the "Big 6", then they don't watch enough horror. Not that there's anything wrong with that mind you, just that they are missing out on a LOT.

So with that, my top 15 list this year is going to cover those horror movie villains that I feel should be getting a lot more love. Some are loved by a small devoted group, but others are only in one film, and need love too.

This will be playing out all the way up to Halloween, so yes, I will actually be updating the site on a semi normal basis. Break out the booze.

My one and ONLY rule is the the "Big 6" will NOT be anywhere on this list. Who are they you ask? Easy it's:

Jason Voorhees
Freddy Krueger
Michael Myers

They will not be on this list because it's too damn easy to put them on there. So who IS going to make the list? Check back next week for number 15...a beloved cult favorite that should be standing tall with the Big 6 but isn't..yet.

See you then!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Five Fingers of Death (1972)

Five Fingers of Death (1972)
Director: Chang Ho Cheng
Stars: Lieh Lo, Ping Wang, Hsiung Chao

If you've watched at least a hand full of old Kung Fu Theater style flicks, you know the story. Guy goes to train for tournament with new master. Rival school is made up of a bunch of dickweeds who fuck with the good school. When that backfires, they hire assholes to murder them. Good guy gets his hands broken by bad guys so he doesn't learn the Iron Fist technique, but he learns it anyways. Good guy wins the tournament, but at a cost of several people's lives...and eyeballs. Served with a nice dish of revenge.

This was the movie that kicked off the kung fu movie craze here in the United States. Before long, we were overwhelmed with both good and mainly awful martial arts flicks. Personally, I love martial arts films. I remember waking up as a kid on Saturday mornings and watching it. Cartoons, Memphis wrestling, then Kung-Fu Theater. Good times.

This one is definitely one of the films you need to see if you're new to the genre. It's got fun action, lots of blood, and bad dubbing. You don't have to have all three of those requirements, but at least two of them. Godfrey Ho movies only have the bad dubbing...and white guys named Ira wearing ninja headbands. You're just not ready for that yet, noob.

Things I've Learned/ Things to Watch Out For

- There's a female character in this film who is a singer. I thought "cool, I always wanted to hear what music was like there". I'm really hoping this is a bad example, because she sounded like a cat that got caught up in barb wire. Her backing band seemed cool though.

- If you look like a Chinese Alfred Molina, chances are you're going to be a bad guy.

-If you get jealous because your dad/Master likes this other guy better to teach him his super secret fighting technique, joining the bad guys to have them break his hands is probably a bad idea. Of course, that's made apparent when they proceeded to kick his ass later and rip out his eyeballs. Well at least he doesn't have to see that he looks like Elvis anymore.

- That crazy sound in Kill Bill when Kiddo sees one of her enemies and everything turns red? Yeah, came from this movie. "It's an HOMAGE, damn you!'

- So the beginning of the movie, the main guy is sent out to train for a tournament. Next thing you know, it's been a year and he still hasn't finished training. How far in advance were these tournaments? It would be like inviting someone on Facebook to my son's graduation, even though he's in the fifth grade. And the main guy is STILL LATE for the fucking thing.

- Chinese people think that Japanese folks are long nasty haired mute savages if this film is any indication.

- Having watched quite a few of these films, the one basic rule of thumb to live is when bad guys start fucking with the hero, and the hero humiliates them, you move as far the fuck away from there as possible. Because pal, you're gonna get yer guts spilled out in front of you while you're watching Growing Pains reruns.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Cult Conversations - The Dependables Part One

A few weeks after the Expendables 3 hits theaters, we decide to make our own Expendables type movie....this time using B movie action stars.  The first six glorious badass names are revealed in this episode.


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Check out Cult Conversations!

Over at the new hot pop culture kid on the block, the Freakin Awesome Network, I have taken my love of cult movies from here and brought it to FAN!

In the first episode, I talk with my lovely wife Erin (from Seven Doors of Cinema and 90's Horror websites) about my favorite slasher Pieces (1982) and Edge of the Axe (1988). Take a listen, and tell all your horror lovin friends!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Wide Weird World of Cult Films now on Tumblr!

Over the last couple years, I've done several different things on this site. Of course the reviews are the main things, but we've had a radio show (now monthly), and upcoming podcast on the Freakin Awesome Network, and various other things. One of my most popular topics were always the bad VHS covers. So I decided to expand WWW of Cult Films' presence in social media by starting a tumblr account!

On this account we will post our popular VHS covers, some awesome movie posters, even some screen captures from various movies. No truth to the rumor that I'll be posting Tiny Tim nudes though (sorry guys). Check it out as it'll be updated regularly!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Jeff Goldblum is the everyman in Buckaroo Banzai

Those who know me know that the Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai is one of my all time favorite films. Hell, it was in the first logo for this very site! When Barry of Cinematic Catharsis mentioned he was putting together this Goldblumathon, it was the perfect chance for me to talk about one of the main reasons why I loved this film so much. 

Jeff Goldblum plays US (the everyman/woman) in this film.

You may say to yourself, "Is Lashley drunk again!?" Well, yeah a little bit, but hear me out here. There are several things that lead me to believe this theory.

1. He's in awe of Buckaroo

Buckaroo is the ultimate celebrity. Doctor, scientist, rock star, comic book hero...the man does it all. Everyday folk don't always get the chance to interact with major celebrities, so we live vicariously through films. THIS film knows that, so Goldblum (playing New Jersey) plays us by proxy...being in awe that Buckaroo could easily walk in and help him with a complicated operation, and then casually traveling through a mountain. And don't tell me you don't get a little star struck. I saw how you wet your pants when you met the puppet Madame. I saw EVERYTHING.

2. His outfit

After being asked to join the Hong Kong Cavaliers, Goldblum decides to dress the part of a music star. Sure most people wouldn't be caught dead in an oversized cowboy hat and assless chaps (I think they were assless), but dig a little deeper, shallow Hal. Country music is pure Americana...music for the working class and the schmoes like us, who are lazy bastards. His outfit tells us "Hey, I'm a man of the people...and I choose to represent them in this outfit". Bravo, sir.

3. His awkwardness in the HK Cavaliers

Now the Hong Kong Cavaliers are a group of guys who are pretty much Buckaroo's inner circle, so for an everyday guy like Goldblum to join up is both exciting and a bit nerve racking. Who here hasn't gotten to join an elite group (like following me on twitter) only to not know what to say or do? As an everyday person, one would also feel out of place and a bit apprehensive among these living TMZ headliners. New Jersey is playing out my joining the Spanish Club on the big screen, man.

4. He has a different way of viewing things.

So you're probably saying "Man, that Lashley really must be hitting the good stuff", to which I would reply "make me another drink or it's the back of my hand for you!" I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean that. Really. Let's start over.

At one point, the guys break into Yoyodine's computers and notice that they all have names that 3rd graders would snicker at. Names like John Big Bootay and John Small Berries. Hehehe. That means small balls. They noticed all these guys registered their date of birth on exactly the same day, October 31st, 1938, in Grover Mills, New Jersey. While the ego trippin celebs are trying vainly to figure out what it all means, our everyman by proxy figures out that This was the date of the infamous War of the Worlds radio broadcast. By knowing that, he figures out that the radio broadcast was real, but the aliens used some sort of mind control to say it was a hoax. Only a person with their ear to the grindstone could have figured that out. What celebrity do you think can do that? Bradley Cooper? Scarlett Johansson? Maybe Tara Reid, but that's it.

5. He's loyal

Buckaroo didn't have to choose Goldblum to join his band of merry men, but he did, so Goldblum is extremely loyal and helpful to Buckaroo. Examples including having a gun ready for him, and doing his damndest to save Penny after being tortured. The common everyday folk are a loyal bunch, preferring to stick to certain things, as they know it's what they like and has gotten a favorable response. I'm making everyday people sound more like pets now. This may not have been a good point.

Well there you have it, one drunken man's insane but 100% true theory about Jeff Goldblum playing the common man in this wonderful cult film. It says a lot of Jeff's acting ability to be able to sink himself to such depths to play us. It's like how million dollar celebrities play crack whores. That was a bit of self loathing I didn't expect from me. Time for another drink.

Read the rest of the Goldblumathon entries (including one by my much more talented wife) and remember, Goldblum is forever.