Monday, October 27, 2014

15 Underrated Villains - The Top Five!

We've worked hard, scraped by, and murdered a few hobos, but we have finally gotten to the final five. My own personal choices as to who "I" think is underrated. Let's take a look!

5. Frank and Julia (Hellraiser)

The only couple on the list, but what an evil couple they are. Julia is married to Frank's brother, but was seeing him on the downlow. She was sad when Frank died, but surprise, Frank's alive. Well sort of. He looks like he belongs in a biology classroom, but hey, he's still got that charm.

Frank and Julia kill guys and other dastardly things before the Cenobites come looking for Frank. I think he owes Pinhead twenty bucks.






4. Harry Warden/Axel (My Bloody Valentine)

It's hard not to feel sorry for Axel. I mean, watching your dad get his heart ripped out will probably do a little damage to one's psyche. But that's no reason to go off and kill your buddies. Yeah, Happy was a bastard, and that joking guy's death was pretty neat, and the way you killed that woman with the shower was damn impressive...

You know what? Fuck em. I don't blame you.



3. Angela (Sleepaway Camp)

Hey look, another Angela on this list! Kinda. There's nothing wrong with roleplaying, except when it's forced. Then people lose their heads and you end up making terrifying faces while nude.



 
2. Father William Thomas (City of The Living Dead/Gates of Hell)

This guy willingly hangs himself so that the gates of Hell will open and dead people will go around causing bad shit to happen. That's a real bastard for you. Maybe he's upset that every time he went on a date and gazed into his lovely lady's eyes, she starts throwing up her vital organs. That makes asking for a second date rather awkward.



1. The Townsfolk of Pleasant Valley (2000 Maniacs)

I figured that for the top slot no single ordinary villain would do. So how about a whole town full of southern ghosts out to murder and maim yankee tourists in inventive and ghastly ways? You can say all the bad things you want about these folks, but you have to admit that they sure are having fun killing and dancing and drinking moonshine and probably sleeping with their ghost cousin. I'm from Kentucky...I can say shit like that.





Next week, I go from wonderfully evil villains into a much darker place. A place where budget and talent and good screenwriting all flies out the window like someone getting a money proposal from Donald Jackson. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

15 Underrated Villains - #10 - #6

Now we're getting down to the nitty gritty. You may not agree with my choices (and by all means do let me know), but these are MY choices for slots 10-6.

WARNING: Some of the videos posted will contain spoilers. Spoilers for old movies. Just sayin'.

10 - Katugaba (Noroi The Curse)

Guy investigates weird shit going on via documentary. Deals with crazy woman and her child, a missing psychic girl, and a guy who is made of aluminum foil. Seems a demon is pissed because the town that worshipped him went under water. Documentary guy figures out how to calm shit down...or does he?




9 - The Dean (Pieces)

Look, I'm a big fan of nekkid lady puzzles as well, but "I" have never had the urge to slaughter women to put my own lady together. Quit making us nekkid lady puzzle enthusiasts look bad!





8 - Edward Lionheart (Theater of Blood)

This is my favorite Vincent Price film, with good reason. I've often wanted to get revenge on those who laugh at my work (I'm looking at YOU...yeah you.) but never had the balls to go through with it. Ol' Lionheart however has no qualms about showing his critics exactly what he thinks of them...often in amusingly gory ways.




7 - Dr. Obrero (Dr. Butcher, MD)

Do you want to look younger? Sure, we all do. Some people would go with plastic surgery, and it helps sometimes. But Dr. Butcher here has an even better solution. Tired of that flabby body, or crossed eyes, or even that third testicle? Simply have the good Doctor take your brain out and put it in a younger body! Sure, the younger person might not want that, but who cares? You'll look faboo!





6 - Angela (Night of the Demons)

I think demons should thank humans. If it weren't for us always being stupid enough to go to spooky old buildings and raising them from some book, they'd be stuck twiddling their evil thumbs. 

Angela becomes a demon, and while she is pretty rockin', having a makeout session with a demon could end pretty badly. There goes your fantastic Gene Simmons impression!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Monday, October 13, 2014

15 Underrated Villains #11: Conal Cochran (Halloween 3)

I must admit to something, and I know in horror fandom it's on par with blasphemy, but I need to get it off my chest. I'll hope you'll respect me in the morning when I say this.

I don't like Michael Myers.

Now don't get me wrong, the first Halloween was a really good slasher. Hell, any movie where I get to see PJ Soles topless is a-ok with me. But Michael Myers as a character was a bit one note. You can say the same with Jason, but no one takes those films seriously.

After part two, John Carpenter and Debra Hill wanted to take the series in another direction by making each new film a different story based on the holiday itself, which I thought was a great idea. But the poor box office to Halloween III put an end to that. 

I love  the third Halloween film. I know it gets shit on by lots of people because of the lack of a mute guy in a bad Shatner mask, but if you can look past that, it really is a scary, fun ride.

Dr. Challis goes to Santa Mira to investigate a mysterious death involving a Silver Shamrock mask and some bulging eyes being pushed waaay back in the poor dope's head. Chalis takes the dead man's daughter with him, and they get busy in a gross motel room. 

Challis and Boo find out that the whole town is under the control of one Conal Cochran, the owner of Silver Shamrock Novelties. Conal is like a mix between your kind grandpa, and Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.

Challis and Boo end up finding out that the guards Conal has aren't men, but Devo androids. Like in most horror movies, they are caught and separated. Challis finally learns of Conal's evil plan as he watches the lamest family in America get an early test of the new Silver Shamrock commercial that's about to be aired. Side effects to this commercial includes panic, disorder, bugs and snakes coming out of your body, and death. 

It's very strange to see children die in a horror film, and I like seeing it not because of kids dying, but because I know there isn't much that's going to be taboo. Cochran is the ultimate "DAMN KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!" guy in that he plans on using chips in the Silver Shamrock masks to go off when the commercial is played, killing all these kids. That is one fucked up man.

Here's Conal telling Challis why he's doing what he doing. Enjoy!



Thursday, October 9, 2014

15 Underrated Villains #12: Maude Chalmers (Funeral Home)


Funeral Home is one of a series of great slasher films in the early 80's that came from our brethren up north in Canada. It's also the film that introduces us to our next underrated villain in Grandma Maude Chalmers.

The story is Heather comes to her Grandma's place to help her open a bed and breakfast. Now this place used to be a funeral home (hence the title), but honestly, outside of a few creepy locations, it's really not that important. Rumor has it that Maude's missing husband ran off with another woman after Maude had a nervous breakdown...but if that's so, why does Heather hear her talking to a cranky old man down in the cellar?

Before too long people start showing up at the bed and breakfast, and then start disappearing. Maude isn't too keen on some of the guests, including Mickey from Meatballs with his mistress, who looks like a community theater version of Adrienne Barbeau (without the boobs or looks).

Again, there's spoilers, but it's from 1980, so if you don't want spoilers from there, tough (I won't say who shot JR though). Turns out Maude's nervous breakdown turned into full fledged insanity because Heather finds out that Grandma is talking as herself AND her long dead husband (whom she killed). Now I talk to myself on occasions, but I've stopped just short of axe murdering people...well outside of Des Moines...but they had it coming.

Here's the scene that convinced me she belonged on this list. It's really creepy how insane she looks arguing with herself. I just hope she can look at herselves in the morning.



Monday, October 6, 2014

15 Underrated Villains #13: William G. Dobbs (Dead and Buried)

Dead and Buried is a weird movie in that it's a zombie movie, but the zombies aren't of the brain munching variety. No, these are "manufactured" undead, and the guy making this all happen...is Grandpa Joe.

Jack Albertson plays the town's funeral director William G. Dobbs. He's a carefree, if not slightly creepy, kind of guy. His skill in making even the most busted up looking dead people look like they've never been hurt is amazing. But there's something far more sinister going on afterwards.

The town is made up of with what appears the be the most evil citizens this side of Stepford. They burn a photographer alive, bash a hitchhiker's head in with a big rock, and force hydrochloric acid up some poor schmuck's nose. The kind sheriff notices things are going wrong when the dead photographer turns into Goober at the filling station. Also, someone foolishly left their arm in the grill of his truck.

I know I'm spoiling this film, but it came out in 1981, so sue me. Seems that the crazy killing townsfolk are all undead, killing more folks so they don't have to seek outside people to fill their jobs. I'll let Dobbs tell you (and the sheriff) himself.




Creepy shit eh? I'll leave the last big spoiler for you to watch. It's a pretty damn good film in the zombie genre, and seeing the Man in Chico and the Man play this dastardly evil guy is really unsettling. Go seek it out.

Monday, September 29, 2014

15 Underrated Villains #14: Jack T. Rippington (Fatal Exposure)

This one's a little less well known, but I fell in lust with this wonderfully awful movie called Fatal Exposure when I reviewed it a while back. The main reason I enjoyed it was because of our main villain and my selection as #14 on this list, Jack T. Rippington.

Jack, as he breaks the fourth wall (ala Mister Roper), lets us know that he is related to THE Jack the Ripper. I'm assuming Rippington's using a fake name, because that would take some balls to decide to be known as the Rippingtons. Not like relatives of Jason Voorhees decide to have their last name be the Machetes.

The movie itself is basically a series of gruesome murders with a half assed story about Jack drinking blood to be more sexually potent and have a son to pass the family tradition of killing to. As many people as this guy kills, I'm surprised he doesn't have a raging boner throughout the movie. 

Anyway, you can tell the actor playing Jack is having a grand ol' time, because he is easily the best thing about this film. There's such a gleeful almost childlike joy in what he does you almost want to root for him instead of the moronic girlfriend who inadvertently helps him get models to kill off. She's so dumb she doesn't get the hint until the car radio practically yells at her who the killer is.

The gore in this movie ranges from Blood Feast like to pretty damn effective. The scene I've posted is an example of some of the better gore effects. So here's to Jack T. Rippington...making great grandpappy proud!

If you want to see the whole film, it's on youtube. I recommend you check it out.