Friday, October 4, 2013

15 Horror Characters That Deserve to Die #14 - Old Man from Night Of The Demons

#14 Old Man from Night Of The Demons - Get Off My Lawn and Die!

I know it's not easy to like the youth of the 80's. They are rude, crude, and as it said on several t-shirts, full of attitude. I was one of those kids myself and I got to admit, if I saw my younger self, I'd wanna punch him in the face as well. But there's a limit to what you should do. Spray em with a hose? Fine. Threaten to call the cops? Sometimes effective. Plot their deaths? We might need to talk.

Night of the Demons is a fun crazy movie about morons at a party getting possessed and/or killed. It also has the great "let's hide the lipstick inside my nipple" scene. Sorta bookended on either side of this story is a sub plot about this old man who hates kids. I mean REALLY hates them. I'd be pissed if some fat ass mooned me in a moving vehicle or if some Jersey jackoff waved a fake rat in my face, but there's no need to be mean to the dumb vacant girl with nice knockers because you got issues with today's youth. That's one strike against this old man.

But this stick waving bastard has a plan. He plans on putting razor blades into the Halloween treats of the youth! Now while I almost understand this man's rage, there's a real flaw in his logic. Unless there's some shit going on that's not on film, the only kids that are bothering this guy are at least 20 years old. They aren't going trick or treating. It's the little kids that are going to suffer because some asshole in a shitty car decides to show this old man his bloomers. Strike two.

But here's the reason I think he deserves to die. It's not because he hates kids. It's not even the fact that he's planning to kill kids. It's this...

This Old Man is putting razor blades in APPLES!

That's right, fruit. On par with getting pennies or a fucking pencil, kids go trick or treating to get candy, not fruit. I'd let it slide if it was coated in some diabetes causing syrupy goodness, but noooooo. It's just plain old apples. What, ran out of pears? Ate all those gross black and orange candies? THIS is why this old man needs to die. And he does, thanks to a great twist concerning the old man's wife. 

You rock old fucking rock.


  1. Love this line: "On par with getting pennies or a fucking pencil..." - great job!

    1. You know we've all been there. Sometimes there are houses you know to avoid. It was the Halloween underground network we kids had. That's why the same houses were egged year after year.


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