Friday, February 1, 2013

Detroit Rock City (1999)

Detroit Rock City (1999)
Director: Adam Rifkin
Stars: The Kid from Terminator 2, a sane(?) Natasha Lyonne, Gene Simmons'wife

This isn't a complicated story, and since it's for KISS fans, that's probably a good thing (I'm a KISS fan btw). Four doofuses win tickets to a KISS concert in Detroit, but they face multiple obstacles, most notably one guy's insane Carpenters lovin' KISS hatin mom (played by the gross landlady in Kingpin). When they get to Detroit, they find out they DIDN'T win the tickets and each of them go to their own story subplots to find tickets. Spoiler: They see KISS. 

Six Things I've Learned From Detroit Rock City

1. So apparently in the 70's and somewhat in the 80's, there was this epidemic of hiring the creepiest security guards to watch our nations schools. I bet the checklist of the correspondence course included greasy hair, leering eyes, and a hankering for a hunk of jailbait.

2. I'd imagine stripping in a club with ugly horny old ladies AND Ron Jeremy watching would make me throw up as well.

3. Getting a priest trippin off of schrooms may be a damnable offense, but not if the priest is Joe Flathery.

4. Because of this film, Stretch Armstrong has opened up legislation on banning stretchy toys. Many kids have taken to putting bumper stickers on their power wheels that says "You'll get my toys by prying it from my cold dead hands".

5. The "Sexual" encounter between T2 kid and Mrs. Gene Simmons is exactly how 99% of my sexual encounters go.

6. I have to admit, how the guys get the tickets is a pretty damn clever way for their feeble minds.


  1. What I learned from Detroit Rock City was that no amount of hype from a popular movie website -- Ain't It Cool News in this case, with a MASSIVE amount of hype -- will guarantee any amount of financial success for a picture. Still a fun flick, though.

    At least I don't feel so alone anymore in watching the T2 Kid and Mrs. Gene Simmons "sexual" encounter and going "Ah yes, I've been there many a time."


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