Friday, February 22, 2013

Can't Stop The Music (1980)

Can't Stop the Music (1980)
Director: Nancy Walker
Stars: The Village People, Valerie Perrine, Steve Guttenberg

I...I don't know where to start. This movie is obviously a vehicle for the late 70's super disco group the Village People. The "plot" little as there is, is basically a retelling of how they got together. Perrine is a former supermodel living with the goofiest songwriter in history (Guttenberg). They decide to put a group together with the help of Perrine's lawyer boyfriend, Bruce Jenner. Yes, that Bruce Jenner. Acting like a low rent Christopher Reeves and going from suits to a half shirt in the blink of an eye.

Everyone involved in this film should issue an apology for taking part in this.

Six Things I've Learned From Can't Stop the Music

1. This movie was directed by the quicker picker upper lady. I'm serious. There's not enough Bounty to clean up this mess.

2. The running time is TWO FUCKING HOURS LONG. This movie had so much padding in it I took a nap on it for a half hour.

3. This film goes out of its way to not mention that these guys are gay. "Weird" or "Out There" were a couple of words used instead.

4. This movie uses the classic movie rule of the horny female friend looking for men. Of course in a movie where the only straight guy in the film is taken (And no one can tell me Guttenberg wasn't gay in this), this might be a problem. Also she looka likea man.

5. I never want to see Bruce Jenner in daisy dukes and a half shirt ever again.

6. The video below made me 20% gayer than I already was (was at a reasonable 3%). I've seen the scene in Shortbus where the guy sucks his own dick, and it's not as gay as this scene.

The Gayest Movie Scene in History by alabastertnt

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