Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Bachelor Party (1984)

Bachelor Party (1984)
Director: Neal Israel
Stars: Tom Hanks, tawny Kitaen, Adrian Zmed

Tom Hanks plays a goofy lovable bus driver, so you know this movie is not based in reality. He's marrying the wealthy Tawny Kitaen, who is concerned about his guessed it... bachelor party. Tom's randomly grouped together pals try to find hookers for the party, because you want your buddy to get a venereal disease before he passes it along to his new wife. I think a set of dinnerware would be less costly.

There's drugs, dead donkeys, TJ Hooker's pal, a full moon, and of course, Nick the dick.

Six Things I've Learn from Bachelor Party

1. Forcing a woman's child to lay down will instantly make her want to put your head near her large bosoms. Chicks dig forced naps.

2. A hot dog penis is NOT a part of a nutritional breakfast, no matter how many times you tug on it.

3. I love that this group filled it's sleazy funhouse mirror version of Woody Allen quota.

4. I've always had a bit of a crush on Tawny Kitaen. I even tried to impress her by rolling around on the hood of her car. I think she was impressed because she sped up.

5. It doesn't matter how nice the car is, it is illegal in most states to trade one in for a woman.

6. I miss moments like the heroes tying the villain to a bed buck naked, throwing him out the window, and having him fall onto a car, where his butt is welcomed with loving kisses. Attempted murder is  hilarious!

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