Friday, May 11, 2012

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Director: Mel Stuart
Stars: Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson, Julie Dawn Cole

Charlie, a poor boy with a heart of gold, finds the final golden ticket that allows him to visit the factory of the strange recluse Willy Wonka. Along with four other kids that should be placed in a cannon and shot out at high speeds, they find a world of candy trees, chocolate rivers and orange indentured servants who sing. All aboard the boat of nightmares!

Six Things I've Learned from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

1. When the guy running the candy shop is singing and tossing out free candy like there's no tomorrow, don't just stand outside the window like some poor sad dope. Get some damn candy Charlie!!

2. If your grandparents haven't left the bed in 20 years, you live in a shack, and have cabbage water for dinner, singing "Cheer Up Charlie" isn't going to do jack shit.

3. Don't talk to strange men who hang outside of chocolate factories and apparently only sells meat cleavers from a cart. That's not the least bit creepy.

4. If burping made you fall lower when you drink fizzy lifting drinks, would farting shoot you into space...or at least your parent's ceiling fan?

5. Willy Wonka only shops at places where stuff is half off. Get it? HAW HAW HA..shut up.

6. That people who run amusement parks are stupid. Why hasn't anyone licensed a Willy Wonka nightmare fuel boat ride? I'd ride the hell out of something showing chickens being decapitated!