Friday, September 14, 2012

555 (1988)

555 (!988)
Director: Wally Koz
Stars: Ricardo Alverez, Mara Lynn Bastian,  Greg Kerouac

A crazy bastard dressed as a 60's hippy is out killing badly acting nude couples while the angry cops bitch about it and harass some old guy. Throw in a saggy snooping female reporter willing to do anything to get the scoop (ugh) and you got yourself the makings of a shot on video classick. 

Six Things I've Learned From 555

1. Ed Wood Tips #34: With random diplomas, a desk, and a small couch, any room can become a police station! Just add cops.

2.  OK, how fucking hard is it to find someone dressed like a 60's hippy in the late 1980's? Was there suddenly a trend of looking like you stepped off an episode of The Wonder Years?

3. Tired of having a sex drive? Be sure to watch the butt ugly reporter whip out her titty and letting some old guy suck on it. It's boner reducing magic!

4. One positive thing about this film is that the decapitation scene is pretty well done. Not real believable but still well done.

5. These guys may be the angriest cops on the face of the earth. Even Dirty Harry would be like "whoa bald guy, let's dial it down a notch".

6. If you make a movie this bad, only your family is stupid enough to help you make it. For shame Koz family.

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